Sex is what reminds us that we're intimate partners and not just roommates in charge of keeping kids alive. Fitting sex into all of that is difficult, but for us, it's necessary. They're busy being stressed at work, coordinating their kids' soccer schedules and paying bills. The majority of people around you are not having sex every single day. However, the effects and lessons from the experience are still apparent in our marriage even now.įirst, we learned that it's hard and that's normal. Not because we're sick of each other - although I'll admit, my pelvis and thighs welcomed the rest - but because we're humans, not robots. I totally don't have sex with my husband every day, not anymore. Now, three years later, we're still having sex every single night. My relationship with my husband, and my body, had changed in amazing ways. I made school lunches in my underwear, and didn't reflexively pull away when Andy came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I stopped that primal run from the shower, and now lazily walked to the closet naked. At least, I assume that is what my kids would say. My body was being enjoyed by the both of us, equally.Ī year in, I stopped wearing clothes entirely. For the first time, I was more concerned with every part of sex that felt good than finding a flattering angle to hide my stomach or back fat. Six months in, I took off the cami I'd hidden my body inside of, not caring that my boobs plopped off into my armpits. Like the way my thighs clapped together or my tummy smacked his. Three months in, I found myself enjoying sex again, making a playlist of songs that turned me on and was no longer hyper-aware of the sounds my curvy body was making. On a personal level, the changes in the way I saw my body were staggering. I was no longer hyper-aware of the sounds my curvy body was making. Our relationship was stronger and better when our intimacy was flourishing. We were more romantic with each other, touching arms as we passed, kissing longer before work and not just the cold familiar peck. Sex begat more sex, and those connected, loved up feelings began to creep outside of the bedroom - or in our case, the laundry room, the closet and our garage - and into our everyday lives.
I just wanted to lay in bed and watch The Tonight Show and eat cereal and not have anyone touch me.īut as the months passed, I started looking forward to it. It wasn't that sex was a chore that I dreaded, but allotting time out of my day to do it felt impossible and selfish and draining. As a work from home mom of three, the thought exhausted me. I still had to have sex before falling asleep. I'd be standing at the sink taking out my contacts when it'd hit me. And for a whole year, save for being parted by travel or the stomach flu, we had sex with each other. I mean eventually, the covers would have to come off and the lights would have to stay on, right?Īndy, as expected, was on board. Having sex every day for a year seemed obnoxious, but also an intriguing way to force myself into facing my body each day.
As routine as daylight, she and her husband had had sex every day since they'd gotten married, and they were one of the most loving, hilarious and strong couples I'd known. "It's just something we do," she said flatly. I came up with the idea to have sex for a year after speaking with a friend who'd done just that, every night of her marriage. Did my husband, Andy, even know what I looked like naked anymore? Could he draw a nude picture of me that didn't also have a giant duvet over my body or a Spanx seam running vertically down my stomach? I kept the lights off during sex, hid my stomach and boobs inside a camisole, and I waited for my husband to leave the bedroom before barreling from the shower to my closet to get dressed.Īs the years went by, the absence of my naked body began to worry me. Shortly after having my third child, I remember getting out of the shower, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and wondering, "Who let my mom in here?" From that point on, I didn't let myself be naked. I did it to save myself, the effect it had on my marriage was merely a perk. And finally, no, I didn't do it to save my marriage. I have no idea what my kids were doing while we were having sex. To answer the most popular questions I've been asked since: No, it was not with 365 men. Three years ago I had sex every single day, for one whole year.
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